After crying through Les Miserables for the second time this week… I started thinking about dreams.
I think I was eight when I saw Les Mis on broadway for the first time. I have vague memories of having my Barbie and Ken be Cosette and Marius. I was a hopeless romantic from the start and for as long as I can remember, I have been in love with the stage.
As a toddler, I used my parents’ fireplace as a stage and made my family watch me dance and sing on it at holiday gatherings. I would call out anyone who tried to leave the room. Oh yes, I was that kid. “Look at me! Look at me!” (Only child much? )
|Jenny Caccamo circa 1989?
In loving memory of George Lon (aka Mr. George)
The truth is I never did community theatre. The last time I was on stage was 2001. I ended up with that English degree and then went on to get a Masters in Elementary Education. I HATED teaching elementary school. I’m still kicking myself for not enrolling in Columbia’s dual masters/PhD program for English Lit, but as they say hindsight is 20/20. C’est la vie!
My rekindled love for Les Miserables seems to have sparked something in me. The same something I feel in the pit of my stomach every time I go to the theatre. It’s a heart pang. I look at these actors and actresses and I KNOW what they are feeling. I know the rush. The adrenaline. I get so jealous, because I want to be them. I miss the lights, the applause. I miss the makeup, the sweat. I miss hell week and cast parties. I miss who I was when I was on stage. Worst of all I know that I let that dream die. My other dreams came true: I’m a wife and a mother – my two biggest dreams of all – and in the words of Meatloaf: “two out of three aint bad.”
But I still feel that tug every once and a while and I know I’m not done yet – that one day I’ll make it back. I haven’t felt my last spotlight or had my last curtain call. I may be a mommy now, but that little girl I used to be is still inside shouting: “look at me, look at me” and I don’t think she’s going anywhere any time soon. I still am an only child after all ;).
I’d love to get back to acting. I’d love to write a book. I’d love to teach a Literature and Film class. There are so many dreams left in me: dreams for my children, dreams for my husband and me, and dreams for myself. The more and more I think about it, I realize that I didn’t let my dream die. I just took care of the important ones first… and those other dreams are still there just waiting for the right time and the right spark to ignite once more.